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Post by Chad Leaman on Sept 23, 2004 20:34:55 GMT -5
I encourage everybody to post their jokes in here. I get a lot on email, and some of them are actually quite comedic. Feel free to share some of the better e-jokes you get with the rest of us! Do try to keep it clean... I know humour often entails some dirt... but try to respect the sensibilities of all Neil Squire participants.
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Post by Chad Leaman on Sept 23, 2004 20:37:12 GMT -5
Okay, this one's not funny, but it's pretty d**n interesting:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!
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Post by Jackson on Sept 26, 2004 3:53:13 GMT -5
How interesting! Everybody knows these? Proper spelling of Canada: C eh, N eh, D eh This is the transcript on an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10 - 10 - 95. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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Post by Chad Leaman on Sept 29, 2004 23:32:34 GMT -5
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steve
New Member
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Post by steve on Jul 21, 2005 11:14:56 GMT -5
"One of my regrets would be that I will never again have the pleasure of sneaking into a cafe, any cafe I like, sitting down and diving into my world and no one knowing what I am doing and no one bothering about me and being totally anonymous, that was fantastic." - J.K. Rowling -- The new Harry Potter book has beaten sales records on both sides of the Atlantic, selling almost nine million copies in its first 24 hours. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince sold 6.9 million copies in the US and more than two million copies in the UK, beating all previous Potter records. US sales have generated more than $100m in revenue across the weekend - more than the combined box office sales of hit films, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Wedding Crashers.
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steve
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by steve on Jul 21, 2005 11:17:18 GMT -5
A criminal was caught when he was admitted to hospital and given a bed next to a police officer who had been hunting him.
The burglar, named only as Uwe G, 41, for legal reasons, was admitted to the St Josef hospital in the German city of Beuel with appendicitis.
After his operation, he was given a bed next to police officer Walter H who was recovering from a gall bladder operation.
The policeman who had been part of a team investigating him for a string of robberies recognized him immediately and called his colleagues.
"I had been trying to nail him for more than two months, but he kept managing to escape. It made me feel a whole lot better when I turned round and saw he was lying next to me," said the officer.
The burglar has now been transferred to a secure hospital and faces six months in jail once he has recovered from his operation.
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steve
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by steve on Jul 21, 2005 11:19:02 GMT -5
An attempt to erect the world's largest popsicle in a New York City square ended with a scene straight out of a disaster film but much stickier.
The 7.6-metre-tall, 16-tonne treat of frozen Snapple unexpectedly quickly melted in the midday sun Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with pink fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.
Firefighters closed off several streets and used hoses to wash away the sugary goo as the giant Kiwi-Strawberry flavoured pop gushed liquid.
The leaking slush was slippery; some passers-by were reported to have slipped in the puddles, although the fire department reported no serious injuries.
Snapple had been trying to promote a new line of frozen treats by setting a record for the world's largest popsicle but called off the stunt before the ice-scraper was pulled fully upright by a construction crane.
Event officials said they were worried the 2 1/2-storey pop was melting from the inside out and would collapse.
"We planned for this...we just didn't expect for it to happen so fast," said Snapple spokeswoman Lauren Radcliffe.
She said the company would offer to compensate the city and the fire department for cleanup expenses.
Temperatures hit 27 degrees C in New York on Tuesday, the first day of summer.
Organizers weren't sure why the pop melted so quickly. It was supposed to have been able to withstand the heat for some time. It had been made in Edison, N.J., and hauled to New York by freezer truck in the morning.
"My theory is that it was a combination of the heat...and it may not have been frozen all the way through," Radcliffe said.
She said the company is unlikely to make a second attempt to break the record, set by a 6.4-metre pop in Holland in 1997.
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steve
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by steve on Jul 22, 2005 7:17:28 GMT -5
Job Placement Strategy!
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
And if they've left early, put them in Purchasing.
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